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When Faith is Tested

September 18, 2014

Today marks 38 weeks gestation for our little man Max. Well, he’s actually going to be our big man Max I think. (Sorry I look so tired in this picture, admittedly I am.)

001At today’s ultrasound, the tech kept remarking how very big his belly was measuring. It seems in fact, she was also able to record a few fat rolls around said belly. Who knew…fat shows up on ultrasound, even baby fat. HA! The good news, he isn’t measuring quite as large as thought he might at this point. However, we also know that given the disproportionate size of his belly that it has thrown off all the measurements to some degree. We will be pleasantly surprised at his size and apparently existence of fat rolls when he makes his appearance in our arms very, very soon.

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He is head down and facing backward…all good signs in presenting for delivery. I know the picture is terrible, but in these last days, it’s hard to get a glimpse of anything but head, belly, spine, and an occasional flailing limb. In a quick moment, he uncurled and threw up a foot…the bottom of the foot is pointing directly upward and positioned in a perfect horizontal line. I’m sure I’m not alone in treasuring this one little terrible photo of my unborn baby. (i know there are other photo crazed mothers that will hold onto even the worst of pictures just as a record of this time.) I love ultrasounds as they somehow provide a beautiful little glimpse into a hidden world of wonder and grace and witness to God’s love. The growing of life is truly precious and yet incredibly complicated. Today, I’m relying on God’s knowledge to work out all these details, and am even more thankful he is the mastermind behind all these details.

I’d like to beg for your prayers as this morning’s appointment gave me/us a lot to consider and unfortunately included one surprise after another.

Most pressing on my personal intention list is for our little Max’s safety while in utero and throughout delivery. It seems that in all his ability to move around amidst the abundance of fluid he has enjoyed, he has managed to tangle himself twice in the umbilical cord. In theory (as we all know the other possible scenarios), this doesn’t present a tremendous problem until the end stages of delivery.

The way I understand this first case scenario is that delivery would happen either spontaneously or by induction and would proceed until the baby’s heart rate dropped (in those final stages) during labor/delivery. They’d monitor the drops and speed by which the baby recovers between contractions. Should the heart rate not bounce back immediately, then an immediate C-section would transpire. He assured me that he had delivered a twice wrapped baby within the last 24 hours successfully. It can be done. It’s Baby #5 and I still marvel at all the “new” possible scenarios.

Secondly, it seems that while he has grown to be big and healthy due to an abundance of fluid, I am now measuring below normal for fluid. This of course presents a different scenario of problems that also might lead to an “emergency” c-section. Another ultrasound is scheduled for Monday afternoon and will give us a better indication. For now, I will no longer try to encourage labor, but take it easy and wait until Monday.

Although I had hoped that my body was progressing toward a reasonable time frame for delivery (i.e. this weekend), it seems that not only is Max content to rest in his dark and warm abode, but my body isn’t ready to encourage him otherwise. This is a great gift in one sense, but should we need to deliver early, it does present complications to induction. So my second intention presents itself here. That my body would begin to prepare for delivery, the cervix would soften and next week’s decisions would include one less factor to consider.

However, in addition to Max’s ability to continue breathing normally beyond delivery, I’d like also to beg prayers for my doctor and any decisions that need to be made next week. None of these scenarios are life-threatening in and of themselves, but it is another level of anxiety that a perfectionist and control-freak doesn’t relish. Hence, the title of this post; “when faith is tested”.

It seems we are always presented opportunities to work on the same set of virtues. Thank God we have a good and gracious, all-loving God who has each of these details already planned and worked out. I simply need to catch up in grace, and abandon myself to His divine providence and await the unfolding of His perfect design. My head tells me He has got this, but sometimes my heart and my ability to act in faith needs time to execute that wholeheartedly.

This pregnancy was a beautiful surprise from the very beginning, it has been incredibly blessed with great numbers, lots of energy, and tons of strength. I am forever grateful that it’s only in these last days that it has become increasingly difficult. I’m tired and ready to meet our little man.I’m ready to have his birth story written down and in the past, and a lifetime ahead to live. Just a few more days and it seems that will be a reality. So…until then, please lift Max and I and my doctor in prayer. I feel weak (not where I like to be, but none-the-less right where God wants me right now). One of my aunts reminded me that she was wearing her boxing gloves ready to knock out Satan if he tried to sway her today. I love that image. I pray for big, all encompassing boxing gloves of my own. The devil has no place in the beauty and sanctity of life. I will continue the fight of faith and abandonment. Thank you to those who are joining us in this intention over the next few days. Blessings to you also!

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Kristin permalink
    September 19, 2014 12:20 am

    William had the cord wrapped twice around his neck also. It made things a bit exciting at the end but it all turned out ok. We will be praying for the same outcome for Little Max. We can’t wait to meet him! Blessings, Kristin

  2. Auntie Sherry permalink
    September 19, 2014 1:21 am

    Sara Lin I am always in awe of how well u can look at even the most complicated of scenarios. ..life challenges & find all the beauty God has surrounded u with…we r all lifting u…your Lil N ax.. your Dr up to Him…may He as well as our Blessed other keep a veil of protection over u. Keep u strong to see you and lil Max through delivery. I love u so.. I’m still sport g my boxing gloves as discussed but have switched from my fighting Satan for my insignificant battles to your much more serious ones.. we have got this bsby girl…remember LET GO…LET GOD

    • September 19, 2014 3:22 am

      Thank you Aunt Sherry. I’ve been brought to tears many times today. Thank you for the prayers, the SOS to Aunt Gerise when your own hands were tied, and of course the expressions of love in so many ways. I am truly covered in love and prayer…the best this world has to offer. Love you ALL!!

  3. Kristi permalink
    September 19, 2014 5:15 am

    Sara, like anything else I’ve seen you set your heart out to do, you and God have got this. And it’s going to be awesome. Prayers for you and Max and everyone else involved. I can’t wait to meet and hold that sweet boy!

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