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I’m ready….I’m not ready…don’t take it for granted

March 20, 2013

In honor of Elizabeth’s one month birthday, I’m finally allotting time to write this post. I love you baby girl and all that you bring to our family! I can’t believe you are already 4 weeks old.

This past weekend I read this letter on facebook and couldn’t get it out of my mind. On our way to Mass Sunday morning, I shared the gist of it with Nate and tears began to stream down my face.

_______________________________
LETTER FROM A MOTHER
“My dear child, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a child? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way… remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day… the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you… my darling child.

___________________________

I’m reminded of how this is so true of my own mother…all the things she did for me when I was young…her first child! How it is surely so true of the generations before her and how it will most definitely be true for me and my children…how a mother loves her child in the details of the day. It’s not the big moments, but the ordinary, often unnoticed ones that are most important.

Why am I so struck by it now? Afterall, my mom is young, I’m young, but the reality is my kids are also YOUNG. There are so many moments in the day when I just want to scream, “When will you grow up just a little more?” Thankfully, God’s grace is there to never actually voice it (yet), but just thinking it is really horrible enough, right?

Our days are busy and there never seems to be enough hands or time for the demands of the waking hours. Although, this is part of life…our life, I see too often the things I wish were different. “When will the baby be able to put her own arm through her sleeve? When will Clare really be out of the pull ups and able to pull down her own pants and climb onto the potty? When will Ellie support herself and not throw herself off my shoulder when I’m trying to support her with only one hand as my other hand is busy multitasking elsewhere? When will school be over for the big kids so there’s less pressure in our day? When will they learn to work just a bit faster and with less distraction so there’s more time for everyone and I don’t have to constantly remind them to do it? When will there be less mess everywhere I look? Why am I still walking over these toys? Seriously? There’s more dishes to put away and laundry to fold, etc.?”

Although, all of these things are real and a good part of growing up, they are also exhausting. Someday I will be so sad that my hands aren’t this busy, the house isn’t a disaster with little ones playing or laughing, or most especially that I missed the joys in the days NOW! This is really my biggest “growing up” fear! I know that’s why I blog and scrapbook and try to write everything down keeping my lists scattered here and there to find again many years from now.

So…each day I pray for the grace to remember to be present in the NOW…in all its craziness. I pray to take a few moments to really listen to the kids…all of them! I pray for the grace to live life fully not just let it pass me by waiting for the next milestone to come and go. I pray for the grace to be a great mom, to LOVE FIRST and work last. I pray for the grace to say thank you, to laugh, to play, to encourage, to sit just a bit longer, and to unceasingly pray for God’s guiding hand. Perfection isn’t possible, but I can continually live this verse: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

So I will continue to ask, to seek, to knock and live life one day at a time in all its craziness.

PJ day at Bruester's - who doesn't love free waffle cones

As an aside, I promise one of these days soon to get some pictures of our daily life posted here…the things that bring us joy in our week!

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. mom permalink
    March 21, 2013 6:02 pm

    I love the pajama pic!!! You are doing a great job with your family! Just remember to give the love and not worry about the mess. The mess will one day be cleaned up and sadly not made again as the little ones have grown! Just be satisfied in the chaos and rejoice in the peace when it comes…yes live in the moment! XOXOXOXOXO

  2. A.Linny permalink
    March 22, 2013 3:53 am

    Yes…tears of course down my face as well. I remember you so mcuh when you were growing up. Those sad little faces you would make..like you just didn’t know what to do. The scared look…but the joy as well. You loved smelling the flowers and going for walks! I did try to fill in a spend time with you when your mom was overwhelmed with the others. I am not a mother but I love deeply as I feel a mother would. You are a great mother and I know your kids will always remember the time that you took and the patience you had! xoxoxoxo

  3. Auntie Sherry permalink
    March 22, 2013 4:21 am

    I love you Sara Lin & again, you must share these stories you write with others whom I know for certain are feeling the very same way so they too, will know that they aren’t alone! YOU are an incredible Mother & have the patience of a saint for certain! Yes, I agree with your Mom, just leave all the mess & focus on those precious cherubs smiles!

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